I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
