I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
