i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
