I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I deserve this hangover.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
