May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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