so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
