that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
