New low: just hacked my moms facebook
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
