I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
