PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
