If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
