we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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