Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
