I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
