"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
