mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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