actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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