I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
