apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
