I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
