3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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