All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
