I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
