I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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