Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
