i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is my gift to your gina
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
