I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
