I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
