It's Friday. Sex?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
