Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
