Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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