I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
