my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
