How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
