She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
