It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
