i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just want to make out with him forever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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