At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
