If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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