life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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