You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
