the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
