i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
