oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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