my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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