I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
