I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
