An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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