Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
