How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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