im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
