I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
