They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
